This is going to be a short blog before heading to bed. Just wanted to drop in and say things are back to normal now. I'll be back on here tomorrow to do some more blogging. Till then...

Okay I finally got my pictures up, sorry Holly!! Now I need to get back into the groove of things. Collin was sick again this past weekend and is better now so it is time to kick my rear into gear. Here we go, my plans Wed morning I will wake up and eat a bowl of oatmeal and then workout to WATP, I will do the 3 mile. Every morning I need to get my a** out of bed, and do something about the way I look and feel!!! Wish me luck I neeed it.

Jessica here!!

 

I am finally back on track!!! Took me long enough huh?? My son was sick with pneumonia last week and it was a long week. I had a very sick little boy on my hands. He is doing so much better now. He finally went back to school yesterday and came home exhausted=) The week I had off with him I did not workout at all but watched what I ate. TOM is expected to make a stop this Thursday, oh yes I have it down to the exact day that happens. I feel so bloated and this week want to eat everything in the house but have not yet and won't. I have to be stronger than the urge. I hope everyone is doing well and Holly I hope you find IT!!!!

I just feel so blah..I don't know what it is, but the past couple of weeks I just haven't felt "IT." The IT to want to workout and eat right. Even going for a little walk or something. I mean I've done it, just not the way I use to, with the emmf in it. I went to Lowes today and bought some plants and things for the garden. Hopefully being out in the warm sun tomorrow will put some emmf back in me. I plan on planting some strawberry plants, rosemary and bulbs. I'll get back on tomorrow and tell ya how its going.

Hey its Holly

 

Well today started out fine, I woke up early(7:30) did a 15 minute workout(see my **note). And went to start off the day.. I have a Monday thur Friday job, so I like to get all my work done on Saturday so I can rest and do (almost) nothing on Sunday. You know..washing clothes, moping, dishes, etc. Well hubby wants me to help him strip some wire in the back yard. The same wire thats been back there for almost a year. The same wire that he doesn't want me to do anything with, but doesn't move it himself. Sooo you can see why I was more than happy to help.  I was using a VERY sharp box cutter(the wire was too big to use wire cutters, trust me, I tried) and he kept telling me to "BE CAREFUL!! I don't want you to cut yourself." well I don't know about anyone else, but when someone tells me that, its like wishing bad luck on me. So as you can guess, I cut myself. I was holding the wire in one hand and the cutter in the other and SWOOP there went the blade. When I first looked it didn't seem so bad, looked like a little nick, but when I went back to cutting I thought I better look again. This time I could see the muscle in my forearm. Thats right, the muscle!! I've seen this kinda thing, muscle that is, on tv before but never in person. I was kinda in shock, then I just looked at Cole, told him "hey wanna see some muscle?" and laughed. The look on my face must have given it away, because he rushed over and started pulling me inside the barn. He proceeded to open this 100 year old medical kit and looking for gauze. By this time blood was already running down my arm. I told him there was no way I was using anything in that kit and went inside the house. Thinking back on it, it seems kinda funny. All I could do was laugh and just be in aaww of being able to see the muscle inside my arm. It didn't hurt, although I know it will when I go to take off the bandage. Hair and tape/band aids DON'T mix!   Its not too deep or wide. I would say..about an 1 1/2in wide and 1/4in deep. Might even leave a nice little scar, lol. Then when I get back out there cutting it wasn't an hour later when I cut myself again. This time it was only the size of a paper cut on my thumb. But that one hurts a heck of a lot more than the other one does. That time he made me go inside. Enough on that subject though..

 

**My little side note:

I've read in a couple of books/magazines/websites that working out for 10 minutes at a time serveral times a day is better than working out all in one long session. Not sure if its true or not. But I seem to want to work out more. I get up early before work and do one, when I come home from work another(4:00ish), and then later on in the day. I thought I might try this out for a couple of weeks and see how well it works for me. I do know one thing, I need to find a new eating plan, I've been slacking on my eating healthy a little. Not much, just a small cookie here(Girl Scout) and a soda there. Oh I tried doing without any kind of soda for a week and it wasn't 3 days into it I just had to have a soda. Soooo sooo bad of me! I ordered a DietMinder journal and plan to start tracking everything I eat. Hopefully that helps!

 

 

Jessica's turn

 

Tuesday morning is weigh in, I may just wait to do it on Wed. I really am not feeling very confident about a loss. I pulled a muscle last week in my knee and it is finally feeling better but I lost alot of workout time!! I have been sooo tired and it is from a lack of exercise. I have been eating right and having plenty of water though so i have not failed there. I have not been feeling well again, I had panic attacks all weekend. The doctor changed my meds so for the past 4 days I have not been on anything, he wanted the other stuff to get out of my system first. I figure it will be a day or two until I am feeling better. It is a terrible thing to experience panic attacks, I will have to tell you about them on my next blog!!!

Its Holly...

 

Here it is 2 days before the weigh in and I'm still 3 pounds over what I weighed last Tuesday. I don't know whats going on. Am I eating too many calories, not doing enough exercise or what? I've done a lot of weight lifting this week so is the three pounds from that? I just don't know. And to top it off, my knee is hurting. Should I push on with exercise or do I hold off for a couple of days and let it rest? It hurts..well its kind of like when you sit indian-style for too long and your knees hurt. Its not a baaad pain, but it hurts. What to do, what to do. Oh and another thing..my partner is going to be put back for my luck as well. Its one thing when you're just counting on yourself to do the work, its not so hard. But when you have a bad week or weeks you let your friend/partner down as well. I really don't like that feeling. Ahh, my dryer is going off..gotta go. I'll be back on tomorrow with more, my head is so full of crap right now, its not even funny.

Hey its Holly..

 

Okay, so I came home early from work. I pulled the 'sick' card today. With TOM here, and people at work pissing me off..I just didn't wanna be there. Working in a small office with 4 other women can really get to you sometimes. Our office, ha! ...lets just say I've seen bathrooms bigger than that. I'm not kiding either, its about 12ftX12ft. And did I mention 5 women in there, all at ONCE. For those of you who dont know, I work at a prison in the mailroom. Yes thats right, I'm the one who gets to read all that fun mail. Its not really a bad job and I get paid on salary, its very easy work. The only draw back, the space.

 

But back to me playing hookie..I didn't take anything out for supper tonight, so I stop by the grocery store to pick up something easy. Ench it is..Fat free cheese, 50 calorie tort., etc.. I don't know what it is, but here lately, I just haven't felt like eating. I mean, I know I have too, but just dont feel like it. That couple of weeks where surprisingly easy. When I was eating just 1350ish in calories. I planned out my little meals and was good to go. But now that I'm eating more calories(1900ish) I feel like I'm eating too much. Sounds kinda crazy, because before I would have NO PROBLEM with eating all this. But something in my mind is just not wanting to go along. Ughh..I think I'm about to go lay down, its really cold and theres nothing on tv. I plan on working out when I get up from my nap, and then a little later tonight as well. Later..

Jessica's blog

 

  So I have made it one week smoke free!! It has been going fairly well. I feel better, look better and smell GREAT!!! What a feeling, now I just need to get over the habit of it, waking up and wanting one, after a meal or in the car. I have been relying on gum!!!! It is working really well with not eating everything in sight or wanting a cigarette. Tomorrow is weigh in and I am nervous to see the numbers, TOM is in town, he seems to be for our whole team on Sparkpeople also. We have been in 4th place for the past two weeks and I really hope that changes this week. I want our team to stay motivated and hopeful!! I will let you know how the weigh in goes and I still need to get my full body pictures up on here. I promise I will get to that soon!!

 

Good Luck Holly with the weigh in. I think you are doing great!!!!

Hey its Holly..

 

I just wanted to drop in and let everyone know how I was doing. Right now I'm down to 219. The last time I was 219..was about 5 or 6 years ago. I can't wait till the 200 mark. Now that..I haven't seen since..9th grade.  I started thinking the other day why I wasn't losing weight like I should be. Well I checked out my calories and I was eating Waaaaaaay under what I was suppose to be. I was eating around 1300 when I should have been eating 1900ish. Since I've upped my calories, the weights been lowering little by little. Woohoo! I've been working out everyday, well except last Thursday, never got around to doing it. Hopefully with Tom visiting this up coming week, I'll still lose weight, or at least maintian. I'll check in later with everyone.

I did it, okay it might be like the sixth time I have tried but I feel differently this time. Every year I plan on quitting it does not even last one week. So you ask what is different this time--well I feel like it is just time, I am tired of smelling like a cig all the time. Darn it I want to smell my perfume at the end of the day, hold my pillow and be able to smell my shampoo, I want to be a role model for my son and be able to do a workout and not feel like I am going to die!! Yesterday was my last day to smoke, you would have thought I would smoke all I could and go through at least two packs, well I only had one yesterday and today have not even had any temptation to have one. I have not been eating everything in site, that is #1 reason I did not want to quit. I did not want to gain the weight, but my lifestyle has changed, I work out and eat healthy so if I do gain the weight, I am still going to be healthier than if I were to continue smoking. So bare with me the next few weeks If I am cranky or just full of complaints!!! Thanks for listening.

Hey it's Holly..

 

Being the 'bigger' girl that I am, I have never liked my photo to be taken. I learned early on, to acomplish this, I had to be the one to take the photos. That way there was no chance of me being in one of them. I just added some more pictures to my "Before Album" and it breaks my heart. The photos where I am in pink and black are my engagement photos. Theres one of nothing but my face. Everytime I see that photo I cry. You would think when I first saw that picture, it would change my life and make me want to lose the weight. But sadly..no. I just stuffed the photo in the back of a case and haven't pulled it out since. Kinda like I did my life. Looked at the bad and just stuffed it away.  I never would have thought I would share that photo with anyone else, muchless put it up on our space for everybody and their mother to see. But when I really thought about it, it seemed to be the only choice. If I want to make this journey to what I call "my own personal freedom" then I had to post it. And the sad thing is that wasn't even my heaviest weight. That is when I was 224ish, which is around where I'm at now. Now that I think about it, I wish I HAD taken photos of me where I'm at my worst. 245 pounds! That way I could look at the before and after photos and really know what I looked like. Now it will only be something in my memory.

 

Now..off to clean house. WooHoo...

Yesterday was the weigh in for our Biggest Loser Couples team on Sparkpeople and to my surprise I lost 2 pounds!!! I was sooo happy. It is always nerve racking to step on a scale so when I saw that I was pleased. The team is going great and I am soo glad that I decided to join and even become a co leader. That really had me nervous, I have never been a team leader and to come up with challenges is well challenging in it's self. My biggest fear with the team is disappointing my group, not having fun challenges or not understanding their needs. I also am so happy that I have Holly as a partner here and on Sparkpeople, together I think we will make great changes!! This is also my last week smoking, Monday is my quit day...wish me luck=)

Hey its me, Holly again.

 

Today wasn't too bad. I'm sore from head to toe, but I think thats a good thing. After what happened yesterday, you would think that I had had enough of Billy's Deathcamp, but the funny thing is..I kinda wanna do it again. Granted this time I will close the door and hopefully not be interepted. I can only hope for better times. Maybe if I work really hard, at the end or towards the end, I can do this whole dvd set. Without any mishaps. I always have my tried and true Prevention dvds to fall back on. I've got it to where I own almost all of them, except for one or two. Yes, currently most are still sealed. I will be changing that very soon. Right now I'm on the Belly, Butt & Thighs. I like it! Easy to follow, but works you very well.

 

On to my eating. I did pretty good today. I stayed on plan and didn't cheat once. I had a few pieces of choc this morning, but it was still within my calorie range. Cole(my hubby) made deer hamburgers. This was my first time to eat them. They were okay, but its the whole fact of eating poor bambi..well I'm getting pretty sleepy, I think I will have to finish this tomorrow.

 

Good night everyone!

Okay, its been about 30 minutes since I worked out and my heart rate is just about normal now. Tonight for the first time, I tried out the Billy's Bootcamp. Although I think the name is very misleading..it should be called Billy's Deathcamp. You choose weither to add the 'for Fat People' part. I find myself sometimes in a rut, sooo tonight I thought I might try something new..ha! Now I'm paying the price for it. As a little gift to myself, for losing another 5 lbs..woohoo, I bought this dvd set. I had sorta a bad day this past Friday and seeing as how weigh in is tomorrow, I thought I might get in my "last chance workout." To my surprise..it almost was my last workout. Have I ever mention that I'm not the worlds best at keeping my balance? Well lets just say I wasn't blessed with the 'graceful gene.' Anyways..back to my demise..I popped in this dvd to my computer and got ready for a challenging workout, it is called "Bootcamp" after all, right?  I start doing the warm up and here should have been my clue..I could hardly keep up with that part. But being the trooper that I am I keep going. So I start pumping my arms and..wait. Let me tell you another factor I should have clued in on. These lovely dvds come with workout bands and at the warm up your suppose to "wrap these around your middle and get back to them later" well they just barly fit around my round tummy. So I start to warm up and can feel the blood rushing to my head, so I unwrap the bands and sit them to the side. I start pumping my arms and hurling my legs and enter kitten. Yes my sweet little 4 month old 'Kutter' decieds to curiously wonder into my workout room. Of course I can not see him and I'm pumped up, working out, sweating. And right when I step back I hear a howling kitten and "2-3-4 you can do it!! Come on now!" in the background. I fall flat on my face, kitten goes running out the door and hubby comes running in. Yes, here I am sweating like a pig, out of breath on the floor and all my hubby wants to know is why I'm killing the cat. Needless to say I think I'm going to be trading these for something less..stressful!

Ehh..off to take a shower.

Hey its Holly here:

Okay so here goes..this is what I did for the new year. A Weight Loss Time Capsule.  I want to be able to pull it out 1/1/09 and go 'wow, I've changed sooo much!!' I'm not pegging it to that date for me to lose all the weight I want to. Just enough..well anything less than I am now would be great. I don't want to say "Well, I plan to lose 30 pounds by June' because as soon as that day comes and I haven't lost that amount of weight, I know it would hit me hard. I know me, I would try to give up probley. I plan to stay stong this year!  

 

 

 

Draw a picture of yourself:

Describe Yourself: I'm funny, smart, kinda a social butterfly, and talkative. I like to think I'm the person everybody can come and talk to. Thats who I am on the inside. On the outside, totally different story..chubby, tall(5'10), hmm..I can't think of anything else. Thats really all I see. Not pretty comes to mind..

What do you like most about your body?: My hourglass figure. Granted its a FULL hourglass, but hey I get to hold onto that little bit of hope. If I wasn't so 'fat', I wouldn't mind being tall. But I've been known as "Amazon Girl."

What do you like least about your body?: Fatness. Oh and my negative attitude.

How do you see yourself? Now? Not too happy with myself. Sad that I let myself get this way. Knowing that I could do something about it. Future? Happy..content with my life.

How do others see you? Lonely, closed in, negative.

What is your weightloss goal? Right now I'm 223, hopefully I can, no I will, get down to 160. We'll see what happens after that. :)

What do you want to be able to do in the future that you can't do now? Run, shop in the normal clothes that people my age where. Wear a bathing suit!!! I haven't worn one of those, in public, since I was about 9 or so. Where shorts where my huge thighs and legs don't rub and jiggle.

How is your weight holding you back? I think most people have a pre-conceived notion that fat people are lazy and unhealthy. That's true half the time, but I don't want to walk in a room and automatically have people see the 'fat' of me. And part of the answer above. Be active in my life.

What is your favorite food? Everything. Lol, but really..I would have to say chicken and mexican food.

List the food you eat in a typical day.
Breakfast - Slim Fast bar, water or juice, and 1 or 2 pieces of fruit.
Lunch - This is where I'm bad..I tend to eat out with coworkers. Fastfood and greasy fatting stuff.
Dinner - Salad, small piece of meat and some kinda carb. Mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, but I try and limit it to 1/2 cup
Snacks - Popcorn, apples, oranges, a small piece of dark choc or two

What does your future look like? Happy, more outgoing, active!!! I want to be able to play sports and paintball with my hubby. Kick his butt at a game he likes. :)

What is your most painful moment? Oh theres a couple. The first one I can think of..I was in..I think 3rd grade..and we(students) were sitting around on the floor while the teacher read us a story. The little boy that I kinda had a crush on, pointed at my stomach and started laughing. He said something mean, can't really remember what, I guess I blocked that part out. But when I looked down, my shirt had came up a little and a little roll was sticking out. To think back on the moment, I really wasn't that fat yet, heck..I would still consider myself thin. But thats something I've NEVER forgotten. Now that I think about it, I remember his name too..Chase! I sure hope HE"S fat now! Ha, get some of that, buddy!

What is your happiest moment? When Cole and I got married.

Why are you overweight? My parents didn't really set a good example for eating right. Part of that whole..clean your plate thing. That doesn't mean that I blame it all on them though. I'm overweight because I don't workout and eat like I should. I make poor judgements and need to change that.

Are you happy? Yes and no. I'm not happy that I'm fat, but for the most part I'm happy with the rest of my life. I need to make a few adjustments..but hope to do that soon.

What do you want to gain from this experience? Life! A new sense of being. Of joy and happiness. A new me, a healthly me!

Who are you doing this for? Me, and a little for friends and family.

What are you most afraid of? Failure. Not fitting in. Always being known as "the fat one."Okay so here goes..something I did at the first of the year for myself. Something that I can pull out Jan 1, 2009 and hopefully go 'wow, I've changed!' I hope to be what I like to refer to as 'skinny minnies.' You know who I'm talking about, those girls that can go into ANY store and find something that fits them and actually looks good on them.